I was born on February 12, 1983 in a beautiful God-fearing family. My parents were excellent role models and I was their only son. Respect was very important for my parents and they tried to to teach me to be respectful with them and my sisters from a young age, but I was allowed, however, to do many things my own way. Despite the fact that my parents loved me very much, I lied to them from a very young age and pushed them away from me. I liked feeling strong in front of others and that is why I surrounded myself with the biggest and strongest both at school and on the street. I did what they didn't dare to do to win their acceptance and feel safe, even though I was a coward in the inside. At the same time, boys my age followed me and imitated me in everything I did.
My parents were not aware of all my problems because, although they loved me and corrected me, I lied to them to avoid the consequences. When I was 8 years old, I stole money from them to please others. When I was about 10 years old, I would go anywhere to take things that my older friends sold and they would give me part of the money. My parents were alarmed by my increasingly delinquent behavior, and decided to send me away to live with my uncles in the city of Cali. Time passed and there I found another group of friends who did worse things and were older than the previous one. Petty thefts turned into big robberies and the profits were bigger and bigger. Just as my profits grew, my "needs" also grew and dismantling stores or companies no longer covered my expenses. Our gang was getting bigger and older people with higher ranks began to join the group. I was the youngest and always wanted to feel part of something. I really liked being part of that gang and it was very important for me. I was not aware then, that they only offered me their friendship for convenience and not because they truly care about me. My parents noticed that I was surrounded by negative influences and they decided to moved regularly from neighborhood to neighborhood to get me away from those people.
This was a time of great insecurity. People who wanted to harm our gang came to our houses during the day, and at night they tried to find us in some of the places we used to go to. We were constantly facing death threats, until we met a man who took care of our problem. He appeared to be our protector at the beginning, but we ended up carrying an even heavier chain because of him. At least we escaped from those constant death threats and it we the end of a painful of my life.
With this new "sponsor" came a time of financial prosperity and money flowed like a river. Parties were bigger and started to spend less time at home and to to distance myself from my family to protect them from the environment I was in, Despite of what it seemed as prosperity, my fear grew due to our new lord, who was reckless to keep us at bay. Little by little we became colder and used drugs and parties to escape our reality. When we returned from a vacation, we found that the man who sponsored us was no longer there. This spread fear in everyone and all my friends decided to flee the country.
My father decided to emigrate to Spain and my mother begged him to take me with him. He sent me the ticket and I flew to Madrid. My father and cousin were waiting for me there. During the first few months I had the opportunity to spend time with my dad. We went to the movies and enjoyed spending a lot of time together. It was a very special time and he helped to find a real job… I wanted to do things the right way, but I ended up twisting everything again. I made friends quickly, and connected with older people involved with drugs. I began to be more and more on the streets building a bad reputation.
Later on my mother and sister came to Spain but I began to distance myself from them again. After a year in Spain I already had more problems than the ones I had in Colombia. The national police already knew me. As my problems got more and more complicated, my father suggested that I go with him to Sabiñánigo, Huesca because he knew good man who could offer me a work contract to legally reside and work in Spain. In order to do so, I had to return to Colombia and wait for the visa. It was a very hard time for me, because going back to Colombia was not in my plans.
When the visa arrived, I returned to Spain and began to work and meet people. Little by little I got to know more about the night life, which captivated me right away. I started trying all kinds of substances that I thought were good for me and I ended up dealing them, which I had promised myself never to do. This allowed me to party all the time and never go back to work, which broke my parents' hearts again. My consumption increased from the weekends to include weekdays as well. I got used to never resting, I felt unstoppable. During the day we looked for drugs and at night we party.
Months later I went back to work with my father due to some legal problems and because I was losing my sanity due to lack of sleep. At that time I realized that I was no longer in my country and that I was spending what my father got with all his hard work. I stopped my activity completely, but I was my addiction was very strong. I couldn't stop consuming no matter how much I wanted to. My salary was not enough and I connected with vulnerable boys and took them with me to rob stores. I was arrested many times for robbery and other things. I met a girl and I really thought I was going to change, but after a five years relationship I only destroyed my life even more and made her suffer. Our relationship ended and I didn't feel like I could keep going any longer.
"Lord, if you exist, change me..."
Two years later my parents couldn't stand the situation anymore, and they decided to return to Colombia. The day they were leaving they came to the junkyard where I lived to say goodbye. My father was crying, and I knew that it was all my fault. They were leaving Spain forever because of me and that broke my heart. My sanity come to an end and I realized that I was becoming a monster. They left and I cried bitterly but nothing change in me, on the contrary things just got worst because nobody was marking a limit that made me stop. I began to blame everyone around me, I began to steal and hurt everyone who was approaching me. My madness was such that I stopped sleeping completely, I suffered from insomnia. I wanted to die and inside me there was a deadly voice of accusation that condemned me and drove me to think about taking my own life.
Madness made me think that my own neighbors conspired against me and it was getting worse. One night I went out into the street when no one was there, raised my eyes and cried out to God: "Lord, if you exist, change me and get me out of this town!" I went home and set fire to the bed where I lay down. The smoke caused my neighbor to break into the house, put out the fire and got me out of there. The next day I left the house with two weapons because I was afraid that someone was going to get me. I went to my sister's house with whom I had not spoken for many years, and she was surprised to see me. I hugged her tightly and told her that I felt like I was dying and asked her if she could please take me to the emergency room. In the emergency room, the doctor told my sister that I was very drugged and that I could have died. I spent a couple of weeks in the intensive care unit and they gave me a medical discharge. The doctor told my sister that there was no explanation and that they had probably misdiagnosed my condition. From the hospital I went to the psychiatric unit where they prescribed many pills and told me that I needed to take them for the rest of my life. Then, after two days I was released from the hospital.
"My whole life has been transformed..."
The same day I got out of the hospital I went to Proyecto Hombre and I met a girl who helped me to connect with Vida Nueva. I waited for a month to enter and it was the longest month of my life. In the first telephone interview I burst into tears when they asked me what my problem was because I had no control over my emotions. Two weeks later I entered this beautiful center, Vida Nueva. I smoked up to four packets of tobacco, but once I arrived the anxiety I brought with me disappeared and to this day I have not even thought of any kind of substance.
My vocabulary has changed completely and I no longer use any bad words. They helped me get out of the cruel lifestyle that I was in. My first week at the center I just ate and cleaned some small copper coils. To my shame, while I was cleaning those coils, in my mind I was planning how to steal those boxes to get money. Little by little I gained confidence with the boys and I began to talk to everyone, which I couldn't do, they constantly corrected me but I ignored them. I continued to behave badly but they treated me well even when I didn't behave nicely. I wanted what I saw in others and I prayed as usual but it didn't work. I got worse every day and my desire to leave was consuming me. However, I realized that this was probably my last chance to change and I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I decided to stay.
I continued to experience very negative thoughts that were becoming stronger. Six months later I went to a Saturday service, still struggling with these thoughts. After listening to the preaching I asked God to help me and to be my Lord and Savior. I asked for mental health, or just to silence the voices in my head, and it was done. That day I experienced God's victory in my life and it was followed by many others in which God was able to work in me because many people who helps at the center did not give in or give up. Because of God's love my life change direction and he used one staff member who dedicated a lot of his time and energy to help me through my healing process. God has used many people to clean up my mess. My record was cleared, my papers approved, my trials and my debts with the law were settled. My whole life has been transformed mostly by the great effort of these people who decided to keep helping me even when I treated them badly. Today I got the therapeutic discharge, I work outside the Center and I am free from the chains I was in when I arrived more than 8 years ago. Through these wonderful people, God gives me a new opportunity day after day to be transformed a little bit more. I know that I am far from being like the examples I have seen here, but I will not give up and I know that I will achieve it by God's grace.
To God be all the honor, because He is the one who decided to love me first and the one who began his good work which he will bring to completion for his glory.
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