My name is Nadia, I am 30 years old and I was born in a broken home in Bulgaria. My little sister was
born when I was 5 years old and I immediately rejected her, even though she was just a baby. I didn't
want my mother to be with her. Most of my childhood memories up to the age of 7 are about fights between
my parents. I remember my father physically abusing my mother, their arguments, screams and my mother constantly crying.
Then, when I was 8 or 9 years old, my parents divorced. My father started another family and my mother took care of us. At that time I looked like a "good girl". Those around me used to say: "What a pretty girl", "She is very obedient", "She always tells the truth", "She is not proud"... But it was all a lie, I was the complete opposite of what they said about me. I may not have shown it on the outside, but if they could have seen what I had inside my heart, they would have been shocked. I was very proud and disobedient, I used to tell lies all the time and I was really shy. I never shared what was inside my heart, I always kept it from others. My sin grew like a heavy backpack that I carried with me everywhere.
Since I was 10 until I was about 13 years old, I craved for acceptance, especially in high school. I was
willing to do anything just to please those around me and gain their trust. I was constantly afraid about the
future and I had problems sleeping at night because of my own negative thoughts. I judged my father and
wished he was dead. It felt as if the heavy backpack I was carrying was getting full of hate, sadness, and
pride... I came to realized that there was nothing good in me. I could not love or forgive, I felt a great
rejection towards my father, and I truly hated him. My uncle was a pastor and I accepted Jesus in my heart
when I was 11 years old, but I had not surrendered my life to God completely.
When I was 15 years old my mother had to come to Spain for two years She left us with our grandparents (her parents). Her idea was to look for a job and obtain financial stability for all of us. Every morning when I woke up I told myself: "Today I will be a better person", but I could not change my reality with my own strength, I needed help. I tried to kill myself, but I realized that I lack the courage to do so. I couldn't live with myself, and I felt that my life had no meaning. I came to seek acceptance from others in such a way that I became friends with a girl who treated me like her slave: "Take this, bring that...". I got into the fashion industry to fill the emptiness I felt in my heart.
I remember that at night time I would lock myself in my bedroom and I would cry under a blanket
asking God for help, "PLEASE, GOD, I KNOW YOU EXIST, CHANGE ME, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!" My relationship with my father was not good at all, we were always arguing. I treated him badly and disrespected him on many occasions. My relationship with my mother wasn't good either, I blamed her for everything, I felt a lot of hatred and rejection towards her for having left me in Bulgaria. My sister and I could not get along because we were constantly fighting and yelling to each other.
When I was 16 my sister and I came to Spain. By then I was very attached to the huge backpack that I
continued to carry with me, which was filled with my own sin. I kept everything inside of me and I was
constantly pitying myself saying, “Why me?” My heart was full of sadness and bitterness. One day, the
women’s group leader at Vida Nueva invited us to eat lunch with them at the center. As soon as I entered,
I realized that it was exactly what I was looking for: a place filled with peace, love, discipline and obedience.
It didn't take a long time for me to tell my mom, “I want to live here!” And so, at the age of 18, I enrolled in one
of their programs.
Through the many lives that serve at Vida Nueva Center, God began to remove things from that heavy backpack that I carried with me, and he continued to work until he was able to throw it away completely. I was able to apologize to my biological father for disrespecting him. I began to obey by taking small steps such as asking my mother and my sister for forgiveness. I began to tell the truth and share what I felt inside with others instead of keeping it to myself. My fear about the future disappeared, and the sadness was gone. Everything I felt and lived changed completely. The backpack I was carrying disappeared because I decided to follow Christ's footsteps no matter what.
Now God is my Father, my refuge, the one in whom I can trust. If it wasn’t for him I would be dead. He gave me a new life. He put a new song inside of me: "He changed my life and filled my heart, now my trust is in Him…". Now, all that I am is because of Him and for Him. I know that nothing is impossible for God, if He did it with me, he can do it with anyone.
Thank you very much Daddy!
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